The Power of Godly Female Friendships

Friendship can be one of the greatest gifts in life. And yet for many adult women, it’s also one of the hardest things to build and maintain.

In this episode, we talk about the importance of strong, healthy friendships between Christian women and why they matter so much for our faith, growth, and everyday lives.

We also dive into some of the real reasons friendships can be difficult: competition, insecurity, busy schedules, personality differences, and even simple introversion. Many women want deeper friendships but struggle to know how to cultivate them. But Scripture and life both show us that we weren’t meant to walk our faith journeys alone.

Check us out!

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Hey, hey, it's Diris Lisa's podcast and welcome back. And I'm going to kick it over to Julie. She can tell you what we're talking about this week.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

When she does that, it's because she's forgotten the topic and she's hoping that I remember what it is. Am I wrong?

SPEAKER_00 0:22

I can't confirm northern. I'm right.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

What we say we're going to talk about is the importance of friendships in cultivating your faith, having good, strong friendships as you're walking this walk, because we're not called to do it alone. And I think women in particular struggle adult, like adult struggle with cultivating real friendships with other women that aren't petty or catty or just full of nonsense. And I really do think, you know, when we when we are able to develop those friendships, that we um we grow in a way that we don't grow without them. So, you know, I guess we want to talk through how we can kind of position ourselves to find those friends and not run them away. Because a lot of us are good at that.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

Yeah, I I think when you say that women have a harder time than men doing that, I think you're spot on. I think you're spot on because I think about me and I think about Michael, and he just has everyone's his friend. And actually, it's kind of annoying sometimes. I'm like, man, this guy could talk to everybody and everybody likes him. And I'm like, why? Driving me crazy. Um, but women in general, I think women do have a harder time uh creating those relationships now, and I don't know if it's a societal thing or if like we're always feeling like we got to compete with one another for some reason. Like I don't know if that's like something we were brought up doing, competing, or you know, feeling like we're competing amongst each other. Um, but yeah, I do think it's it is can be a struggle for ladies to have um relationship. But I want to add on to what you're saying, also having the right friends around you. Um, we talked about building your faith in in friendships, how it helps grow it. Well, having the wrong friends will help destroy it. Yes, and it'll help do the opposite.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

So I wanna I want to touch on that, but I do want to talk further about the reasons why we struggle some. And um, I think you're right. I think that there is a culture of a competition amongst women. And and I don't really know what the origin of that is. You know, I don't know why we do that. I don't know if it's because we feel like we're competing for a limited amount of men. I don't know why we do that. But I just see that in in girls, by and large, not all women, obviously, but like by and large, we tend to compete with each other. And I don't know if it's because of a lack of identity or what it is, but that stands in the way of us being able to develop those friendships. I think the other thing that stands in the way of us being able to develop those friendships is intentionality. It's much more difficult to build a deep friendship as an adult. And when I when I say adult, I'm really talking about 30s, 40s. It's kind of hard to do that because you're you're you've got family, you've got your careers that you're a part of, you've got all these things. And it's not like it was when you were in school or when you were in your 20s, where, you know, uh I was in college and I was just around these people. So I got to know them kind of thing, and we were together all the time. And so the friendship was just birthed, or I was in my 20s and I was clubbing, and I just surrounded myself with a bunch of people who were also clubbing, and it just worked that way. I think in your 30s, it takes a little bit more intentionality to do that because you've got to make time sometimes when you don't have time. And then, you know, especially if you're a Christian, if you're really wanting to walk this walk, then that pool is much more narrow because it's not just any and everybody who has the same interest that I have, it's someone who's also walking in the same direction that I'm walking in. And that can be hard to find.

SPEAKER_00 4:37

Yeah, and I think that um women are a little petty, right? And we we have a tendency to we have kind of our own language, we speak with each other, we don't have to say anything. Um, it doesn't take but an eyebrow look for me to be like, you good? Like that person clearly doesn't like me. I think we over overanalyze everything. A lot of women, we don't know how to control this very well. Why? I don't know. We just don't. And naturally, I think that makes us one unapproachable and two, we make assumptions that people just hate us based off of a look. Like, oh, that person don't like me. Um, you know, just based off of a look. So I I think it is a little bit of an uphill battle.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Um, being a woman. Um, but to your point with the intentionality, uh that's with anything that and just so you know, in your 30s, 40s, 20s, I don't know, teens, whatever it is, anything you pour your time into is going to grow. So, you know, when I think of friendships that I have, like I take time to pour into those friendships. It actually makes me think about when I was younger, and it makes me think about um my dad uh and my mom were were divorced when I was younger, and my dad did not really wouldn't try to call me, he wouldn't try to seek me out at all. And um, I got into my teens and I said, you know what? I'm gonna start reaching out to him. I'm gonna be intentional and I'm gonna start trying to build this relationship. Now, I could have just been like, you know what, this guy clearly doesn't love me, doesn't care about me, he's not he's not trying to pursue me. I'm a kid, he's the dad, whatever. But I was like, what did I want?

unknown 6:25

Right.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

I wanted to have a relationship. And I knew in order for me to have a relationship, I was going to have to be the one to do the work because he wasn't going to. And it's no different than in friendships. If you want a good friendship, you're gonna have to put in the work, and it can't just be one person doing it because I can only pour into you for so long until I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna not.

SPEAKER_02 6:53

I'm just not gonna back up, yeah, you know, fall back a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 6:56

Done calling them, they never answer. I get that. No, no.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

But Michael did say something one time he asked me. He was like, I wonder if I stop calling and reaching out to all of the friends that he has, how long it would take him to hear from them. I was like, dang.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

Yeah, if you stop texting me, I'm blowing you up and be like, What you doing? Don't you know we got stuff to do?

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Are you coming or no? She actually had to text me over here on the way here. She was like, Hey, so are we meeting? I was like, I'm so glad you reminded me. I knew I was forgetting about something.

SPEAKER_02 7:35

So we're not in any danger of that. Um, I was talking with someone uh not that long ago. Um, they were saying that they uh they don't really have any deep friendships. And I just happened to know this person really well. And uh my response was, well, show yourself to be friendly, and you will have friends. Um, and I think for myself, I think for both of us, we kind of have like a resting face we have to be aware of.

SPEAKER_00 8:04

We do.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

And we are also um very much okay with being by ourselves. Like we're not, we can be extroverted, but we are not naturally extroverts. Like we we have to be in the arenas in which we find ourselves and work and worship and all the things, but we're really okay with just falling back.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 8:27

Um, and so if there's not a situation in which we feel like we have to be that way, I think our natural inclination is just to, you know, chill, just you know, do our thing. We're we're very much okay sometimes with supporting character energy. And you can't always do that when no one knows who you are. Like one of the reasons why it was important to me to find a church whenever I decided to move back home was because I knew I need friends here, friends that I can like actually be with. I have friends, but they were in where I left. And I was like, I know I need friends here. The only way I'm gonna find them is if I go out looking for them.

SPEAKER_00 9:10

So I went to Can't find them from my sofa.

SPEAKER_02 9:13

Can't find them from my sofa. And so I went to church and I did what is just absolutely horrific to me, and I struck up conversations.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

You know, it's really funny that you say that, and that could be a whole podcast in itself about the way people are finding friendships and relationships online now, that we're kind of losing that natural human interaction. But we'll talk about that some other time.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

Well, I mean, and that's true because again, I'm really okay with being in the background, really okay with it. Um, but I was like, I'm not gonna find any friends that way. And I'm not gonna know if I share any similarities, any interests or whatever with someone else, right? Um, unless I do. And and to be clear, it wasn't enough for me to just find a church. I had to, I knew I had to get plugged in somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Right.

SPEAKER_02 10:00

And so I think that's a testimony to small groups or um uh getting involved in a particular ministry. I knew that I have a heart for worship. So the the natural thing for me to pursue was the worship team. And that in and of itself would at least put me around in close proximity with other people who had a heart for worship. So there's a similarity, at least something that you can ground onto to find someone who might be interested in some of the things that you are, uh that you are. And that's exactly how that happened for us. Like we met in my audition and we started serving together. And then at some point we started talking.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

I don't even know actually how it happened, but here we are.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

I know how it happened.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

She remembers. I'm gonna tell you.

SPEAKER_02 10:49

I asked you one day we were serving. I think we were at um one of the other campuses, not not the main campus. And um, I was like, You ever record? Like, do you ever do music outside of church? And I wasn't sure when I asked you that how you were gonna take that, as if I was gonna ask you to be like in some like, I don't know, Screamo rock band or something like that.

SPEAKER_00 11:08

What I really wanted Why would you assume that I would be in a Screamo rock band?

SPEAKER_02 11:12

I'm just I'm just saying. So I asked you that, and you were like, at first you were like, no, not really. And I was like, okay, let me ask a more direct question. Have you ever thought about recording? Because I have a home studio. And you were like, yeah, I've thought about it. And I was like, I got a home studio. You ever want to sing? You should come out. That's how it started.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

I didn't even remember that.

SPEAKER_02 11:35

I remember it because it was very much outside of my comfort zone, which was my reasoning for going through that whole story was to say.

SPEAKER_00 11:41

And I'm not very approachable. I just want kudos for her. Most people would have been like, no, I'm not talking to her.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

Well, I I could already just being around you, I could see you had some personality traits that I resonated with. And then um then also you could sing because I wasn't asking nobody to come do that who couldn't sing. I'm just being absolutely transparent. And um, and you said yes, and then that's kind of how that started. You don't know how things like that are gonna go, right? Right. But you have to, you have to take a chance. And that's my point, is you have to get plugged in and then you gotta start talking to people, and you have to show yourself to be friendly and and approachable. And I again I have a very, very predominant resting face, but sometimes I'm very aware of my eyebrows and I'll relax them, I'll bring them back down just so that people will talk to me.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Yeah, I um not as good at doing that as you are. There are times when my eyebrows just be acting foolish, not foolish. Man, I'm just like, I have to catch myself.

SPEAKER_02 12:49

Yes, and I usually catch you catching yourself, and it's hilarious. Okay, so we've talked about why we struggle with it, and we've talked about some of the things that we can do to maybe make that a little bit easier. What are the benefits of developing those relationships with other women?

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Oh, it's uh man, they're endless, but I think one of the biggest things is when you're going through things, you know, everyone has a tribe. It's very important that your tribe, you know, is leading you in the right direction. Tribe needs to lead you to to God. Let's do this biblically. Let's let's do it. I actually saw, and this is something I saw on um, I don't know, one of the platforms, Instagram, TikTok, I don't know. And um, this lady had gone through catastrophic loss. I mean, she lost her her baby, um, and then she lost her dog, and then she lost her husband, and then she was pregnant, and she lost that baby too. And she shared this video of her tribe of girls, and it was these women that she does life with, these Christian women, and they were washing her feet as she was just crying over the loss of her husband. And I thought, could you imagine going through something like that and not having those those ladies there that are pouring into you that uh that probably crush you, right? And it's so important that when you're walking through things that you have people who one love you, right? That's really important, love you, but are also going to help be a support system that you need in Christ. Um, because we can have take advice from anyone, we really can. And we can take advice from people who don't believe in Christ. And it's probably not gonna get you the outcome in where you need to be. Being with the right people are gonna push you closer to to God, further your walk. They'll actually uh for the people who feel like they're they're struggling maybe to to um get in the world and get connected, being around women that are doing that will help you get better at it. So it's there's there's limitless things that it does. But what it really does is it makes sure that you're around people that love you like Christ would love you. And I I think that's unmeasurable.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Yeah, that's really good. That's really good. I'm glad you said that because that's not immediately where my mind went, but you're you're absolutely right. And we're not designed to do this life alone. Um, we need each other for that reason. That I mean, even Jesus sent out the disciples in twos, like we're designed to do this together. So that's really good. I also think that you don't you don't position yourself to grow to the full capacity that you can grow without those friendships, if you have the right ones, because a good friend will hold you accountable to the things you say you want, to this walk that you're on, whatever it is, a good friend will hold you accountable.

SPEAKER_01 16:02

Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:03

If um if if I tell you um, Madison, I want to improve with my guitar, and then you're texting me weekly and like, so what's our practice time look like?

SPEAKER_00 16:17

How are you doing with that?

SPEAKER_02 16:19

Exactly. You know, where where are we going with that? That pushes you in a way that you just don't do on your own. You need other people for that. Or, you know, if you get to know me and then I'm doing something that's real out of character, you'd be able to speak into my life and be like, what's up with you? Like, what are you on right now? Because are you okay? We don't we don't do this. Like, you don't do this. So, like, where are you at? Um, there's there's growth that happens when you have people who you trust to uh have your best interests at heart and point you in the right direction to be able to speak those things into your life. And it pushes you, I would say, at a faster pace in growth than you might on your own, um, because you don't see everything, you know. But people who spend time with you, they get to know you and they get to pick up on things that you might not even think is a problem. And they're looking at it like that's a problem.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

Yeah. I think that um when you were talking about that, I was thinking about um how when you get around a group of people, they they may have strengths that are different than what your strengths are. So not that I'm a procrastinator, but I'd have a lot of things that I do all the time. And so some of the things, the desires and things I want to do, I don't do them because I prioritize the things I have to do and need to do. And so I don't take the time for the things I want to do. But when you have a a Julia in your life, she will make you do the things you want to do. She will make sure it happens because that's the kind of person she is. So it's just important that you know you have those kind of people in your life that uh they know you enough to know what you're wanting and what you're gonna go after, and they're gonna make you do it. Um, we wouldn't be sitting here today if it was just left in my lap. I'm just letting you know I'd be like, yeah, I really want to do that, but maybe some other time.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

Yeah, and don't tell me.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

But as soon as you tell her, it's it's getting done.

SPEAKER_02 18:22

Boom.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

I got the cameras, I got the microphone, we got literally told her, told her Monday, Tuesday, she's like, I got everything. I'm like, whoa.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

I just need you to show up.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Like, when are we doing this? But you know, you get those people in your life that, you know, you tell them what what your goals and your ambitions are and what you're what you're trying to accomplish, and they'll push you to make sure you're doing that. Whereas, like I said, I'm not not that I procrastinate, but I don't prioritize what I want. I'm gonna prioritize prioritize what my kids want, prioritize what the husband wants, prioritize what the house needs. And then I will be last thing that I prioritize. And friendships like this makes it to where I do prioritize some of the things I want. And I do start going after some of the things that I've I wouldn't have gone after. Now, having a friend like me is I don't ever give up. So I'm one of those people that I'm like, Camilla or Allah, we're gonna do this. Like, let's do it. You know what I'm saying? So um, I think that you'll get around people and you'll see the things that they bring that you you lack or you lack over here, they will bring the difference. It's no different than in a marriage. Your husband brings something that you lack and you bring something maybe he lacks and it works. Your friends are the same way, right?

SPEAKER_02 19:32

Exactly. We're all um supposed to be pushing each other forward, and and to piggyback off of what you said, you know, there are there's many a time when I'm dealing with something, facing something, and I'll think to myself, how would Madison respond to this? Because Madison is going to respond to this very directly, and she's gonna cut right to the heart of it. And sometimes I have a tendency to want to love you to it, where I just need to push you to it. And and I glean that from you, and I mean that in all seriousness, I really do glean that from you in in a way that I just don't have naturally. So when when we say that like the friendship makes us better in areas that we may or may not be good in or focused on or things like that, it really is true. Um, and and I think that's why the Lord puts us together, you know, because we do feel each other's deficits in in ways. And um, you know, same thing. Like if I'm tired, Madison will remind me, nah, we say we were doing this, and we've already started, so now we're really doing this. Like what you just gotta get her started.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

The follow-through is we will follow through. Yeah, she's there until completion.

SPEAKER_02 20:47

So, you know, if I'm tired, I don't even I don't even text her and tell her I'm tired because I know what I'm gonna hear. This is not what we say it. I'm like, all right, fine.

SPEAKER_00 20:57

Yeah, I think that um relationships and making sure you have good friendships as a woman is is so important. Um, they can build your self-esteem. That's another thing. I know a lot of times, like we we're really hard on ourselves. We really are as women. We are constantly uh judging ourselves as uh the way we look. If we're single, we're judging that why aren't we getting a spouse? If we have a spouse, we're judging that I'm not a good wife. If we got kids, we'll we're judging our own parenting, how we parent these kids. We're constantly in most places, most women are not uplifting themselves like I'm the best mom ever. You know, we're we're we're pulling ourselves down. You it need you need those people around you that can bring you back to reality. You do not have to be perfect.

SPEAKER_02 21:49

Right. It's okay. And that's another point for having the right people around you because if you have the wrong women in your life, they will exacerbate that that tell you you are horrible. Yes. And there are women out there who will. So finding the right friend, and I'm not talking about gassing you for no reason. Like, that's not what I'm saying. But like giving hate those kind of people.

SPEAKER_00 22:09

It really drives me nuts when someone just keeps trying to blow my head up. And I'm like, dude, I don't even want to hear this. Just stop. Leave me alone.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

But giving you an accurate representation of yourself, like the word said tells us to have, it is not always a negative thing. It's not, it's not necessarily saying you suck, so understand that. Sometimes it's like saying, No, you're you're actually doing okay in this area. You just need to be reminded that you're doing okay in this area. And and we need that. And I will say the last thing that I will say is that you need other women in your life because only women know what it's like to be a woman.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 22:46

You know, and you know, I've got very strong men in my life whom I love and um go to for advice about certain things, but there's certain things I'm only going to a woman about because she's the only one who's going to be able to understand it from the perspective that um I'm walking through it. And um, and if you don't have women in your life to do that, you're at a deficit. You're trying to figure something out that maybe she's already going through. You know, or maybe y'all can walk through it together instead of doing this whole thing solo. Um, and and you don't find that outside of female relationships. Um, and so I think you do yourself a disservice if you if you don't pursue those things.

SPEAKER_00 23:26

And you really do see it. Um most of the time, like women who do not have the relationships, the female relationship, you see it, it you see it spiral out, you see depression, you see different things because they we have a tendency to keep to ourselves. So um you definitely see it. It's it's really is super important. And if you struggle having those relationships, I guess that's something that we should talk to. If you are maybe a female that you feel like the other girls just don't like me. I've been there where I had like 97,000 male friends, and I swore all women just loathed me.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

I think maybe we stop making those assumptions for other people. Yes. You know, maybe sometimes we, like you said earlier, sometimes we decide for other people that they don't like us.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Right.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

Let them decide for themselves whether they like you or not. But I think that that requires a certain level a level of confidence in yourself to go into those arenas and let people see you as you are. But you have to do that. If you want to find some real friends, you have to let people see you as you are. So do it because there is someone out there who's gonna like you for you. It's might not be everybody.

SPEAKER_00 24:41

You don't need a thousand friends, you just need at least one, maybe two, like a couple. Like they say, if you you meet I I saw something one time that said if you meet one person in your life that you consider a true friend that's more than most. I mean, that's pretty crazy to think. So, like, you don't have to have 97 friends. Maybe that some of the people that have that many friends are some of the loneliest people because they're not actually creating strong friendships. They're just have everyone's their acquaintance.

SPEAKER_02 25:14

And and I will say this, I know I said the last one was my last point, but this is really my last point. Um, that you can have circles within a circle. And what I don't mean is that you're a clique. That's not what I'm saying. But I've got friendships that we are friends, um, but we're in different places in life and different locations and you know, things like that, um, to where like they might not necessarily be the first person I call if I'm going through something immediate because they're not immediately here.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

Right.

SPEAKER_02 25:48

Or, you know, something like that. Or I know that they're going through a particular thing that they need their full attention to be able to deal with. It's okay with having like two or one or two really good solid friends, and then having three or four that they're friends, you know, but there's not that expectation everybody's not gonna be your best friend, is basically what I'm saying. That's okay. It's okay to have best friends and then friends and then acquaintances. That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

And if you have six or seven best friends, good for you. I love that. I bet you ain't married and you ain't got no kids. Yeah, I'm just kidding. But if you have that many and you're not, Michael.

SPEAKER_02 26:33

Right. I don't, he's like an alien. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Yeah, he has way too many friends. It's like, who are you on the phone with? I I couldn't even tell you. He talks to almost all of his friends every single day. He talks to these people. Yeah. I'm like, what in the world?

SPEAKER_02 26:49

Yeah. Uh at this point, if I'm on the phone, it's probably one to three people. That's about it. And you're one of them. So it's just like it's not hard to guess. Because I hate talking on the phone.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

And I hate texting. I prefer to just pick up the phone and call.

SPEAKER_02 27:05

Yeah. And I prefer that you only text me as well.

SPEAKER_00 27:08

A lot of things get misconstrued through text message, okay? I read everything out of yell. No matter what you text me, I think you have an attitude. I tell my people at work this. I'm like, every time you text me, I just assume you have an attitude. And don't you dare use the thumbs up little thing. I that right there, straight disrespectful.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

And see, I assume if you're calling me, I've done something to really make you mad to the fact that you had to call me.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

No. Then nothing is in writing. Can't be further. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

Um with that being said that I think I'm done because this seems like a territory where I might have to testify about something, and I don't have to do that.

SPEAKER_00 27:49

All right, guys. Until next time.