Who’s the Least Toxic Person in the Bible? 👀

If Bible characters had dating profiles… who’s getting swiped left? 👀

In this episode, we have a lighthearted (and slightly chaotic) conversation about biblical green flags and red flags by asking one important question:

Who would we actually date from the Bible?

From emotionally unavailable kings…
To questionable decision-making…
To genuine loyalty, humility, and character…

We break down which Bible characters give healthy relationship energy and which ones definitely need accountability and healing first 😂

Check us out!

Instagram: @SeriouslySis.Podcast

YouTube: @SeriouslySisPodcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

All of these people have carrier flaws, so he just doesn't do the rest of it. But he also did like the liquor a little bit, you know. There's at least one story of him getting drunk and passing out naked. So there's that for you, for your green flag.

SPEAKER_01 0:22

Hey, hey, it's Seriously Tits Podcast. Welcome back. And this week is gonna be a short but fun episode.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

I think this is one where we can say we will be being very unserious.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Who said this was not serious?

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Oh, I guess maybe it is.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

This is an important subject that people need to know.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Oh, okay. Well, what is it? What is this important subject?

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Who in the Bible would be what should we say? Bible crushes?

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Green flags.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Green flags versus red flags. Relationship with relationships.

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Um Madison has wanted to talk about this for quite some time. I have. And usually I'm the one with the laptop and the preparation, but she has come prepared today with um numerous examples. She was reading some of them to me off um off camera. So I'm actually going to let her go with her first green flag.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

Ooh, okay. Ready?

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Boaz.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Yeah, okay. Why? Why for you, not why for that.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

He was protective.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Okay. And old.

SPEAKER_01 1:47

Everyone is old. She has this old problem, like every single one.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

I don't have a problem with old. I have a problem with.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

He didn't rush Ruth.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

I don't think she was dragging her feet.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

Anyways. We're gonna go for my first pick is Boaz.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

Because he is what? What did you say? Because what?

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Are you paying attention?

SPEAKER_00 2:09

I am, but I you I said he was protective. Protective. I you lost me on the old thing. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

I didn't see.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

I know I did. Okay, okay. So Boaz because he's protective. All right. Um, so does that mean it's my turn?

SPEAKER_01 2:21

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Okay. Man, I don't have a list in front of me that I can.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

I'm waiting for you to say someone so I can tear it down.

SPEAKER_00 2:32

So if it's that they're a green flag, this kind of changes this a little bit. Um, wow, this is hard. I don't know. I'm gonna have to kick it back over to you while I think about this a little more. What's your second one?

SPEAKER_01 2:45

No, no, no, no. You're gonna tell me who your first one is.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

I don't know because now when we first did this, it was just who would our crushes be. Now it's who's a green flag, and that's much more difficult. So who's your second one?

SPEAKER_01 2:58

I'm going with Noah.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Also old, but okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Yes. But he built a whole boat because the Lord told him to, and he saved humanity.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

He did.

SPEAKER_01 3:11

And a couple animals. Plus, I want to make it through I want to make it through the flood. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

I mean, yeah, that's true. That's true. I guess Noah, I just I can't. They're just old. Like, I can't, um and um Noah, while very good man, all of these people have character flaws, so just as the rest of us. But he also did like the liquor a little bit, you know. There's at least one story of him getting drunk and passing out naked. So there's that for you for your green flag.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

All right, give me your green flag, Julia. I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00 3:52

I'm going to have to go with David because even though he was a flawed man, he was a man who repented. And he is credited with having a heart after God's. So he's going to be my first green flag, even though I know that you're looking at me, getting ready to bring up Bathsheba.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

I'm just saying, he lacks accountability.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

But he doesn't. Some of the psalms that he pinned was right after that Bathsheba thing, which was all about repenting for breaking the heart of God. So he will be my first green flag, and I'm gonna stand on that.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

What's your second green flag?

SPEAKER_00 4:35

My second green flag. Listen, you're not gonna like this one either. But I'm gonna have to go with Peter because Peter was a little scrappy, and that speaks to me.

SPEAKER_01 4:45

You would not get along with Peter.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Peter was a little scrappy.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

Neither of you would be able to hold your mouth. I think I can hold my tongue very well.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

That's a lie. Wow. I think I can hold my tongue very well. Okay. He yes, did he have some issues? Yes, he did.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

But you and Peter can be delusional together.

SPEAKER_00 5:07

Dang, that's crazy. All I'm saying is, is if you needed a ride or die, Peter was it.

SPEAKER_01 5:13

Peter would be starting all the arguments in the group chat.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

They were probably valid. Listen, I know that he cut off someone's ear. Was that the right response? No, it was not. But he was about that life.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Did I marry a Peter?

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 5:27

Ooh. I might have a Peter on my hands. See?

SPEAKER_00 5:30

See? You talking about me, but look at what you did.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

Arguing in the group chats. Always gotta say something.

SPEAKER_00 5:36

Oh Lord. Your personal Peter. Okay, so we've got our two green flags. One of mine might be questionable, but we've got our two green flags. Who's your red flag? Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

Let's see. I just don't know what I want who I want to pick. There's just too many red flags here.

SPEAKER_00 6:03

This is why you don't need a list. You're just supposed to go off the cuff.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

Can't.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

I'm gonna go with um I'm gonna go with Thomas.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

I knew you were gonna say that. I knew you were gonna say that. But why?

SPEAKER_01 6:16

Because Thomas needs receipts for everything.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

I mean, that's valid. But hear me out. Hear me out. I think most of us probably would have been like Thomas if we were in that situation.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Thomas was there were multiple people in that situation, just like Thomas, and he was the only one acting like that. I get that.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

I'm just saying is that Thomas, there are other Thomases in life.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

And I'm not married to one. You're not. Am I married to a Thomas? No.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

No, you're not married to a Thomas. You might be married to a Peter, but you're not married to a Thomas. I get that. Okay. I just I feel like we were a little bit harsh on my guy Tom, but you know. That's I guess I'll I guess I'll give you that. Um, my red flag is going to be Jonah.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

I was gonna say that next. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Jonah is my red flag because he runs from everything. Like I need Jonah to stand ten toes down. Jonah has commitment issues. He does. He does. And he cries too much. I just I can't I can't with Jonah. He's gonna be gonna be my red flag. Alright, so we said we're gonna do two of each. So I think we've done two green, one red. Who's your second red flag? Solomon. That's valid. But why, Madison?

SPEAKER_01 7:42

I I could think of, I don't know, 700 reasons why.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

700. I could think of one reason why he would be a um decent husband, maybe. He was wise.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Did you say his wives?

SPEAKER_00 7:56

No. He was wise.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Oh, he was wise.

SPEAKER_00 7:59

Also very wealthy, if you're into that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 8:02

Should have married Rich.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

Oh gosh. You just would have had to share him with 700 other women.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

That's the only problem. Small problem. Just not a not a big deal. Yeah. Um how can someone even deal with 700 women?

SPEAKER_00 8:18

I don't know. But you know, it didn't end well for him. So, you know, some of his wives and or concubines ended up leading him away from the Lord, so it didn't work out. So he's definitely a red flag for that reason. Um, prior to that though, he probably would have been the biggest green flag because he the Lord told him to to ask him for anything in the world, and he asked him for wisdom. That's such a green flag. Such a green flag. And God said, Because you didn't ask me for treasures and all these things, I'm gonna give that to you as well. Such a green flag. And yet, with all that wisdom, he married seven or entertained seven hundred different women that led him astray. That is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

How old was he? That's just so many people. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

I don't even know. I don't know. But up until that point, he would have been a green flag. Alright, so you got your two. Who's gonna be my second red flag? Adam. Why Adam? Because Adam does not take any responsibility. Listen, you were standing right there with me, bruh. Don't act like I did this by myself. And weren't you in charge? You just gonna dog me out to God? You couldn't have just stood with me in this one. We couldn't have just both admitted to messing this one.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

No responsibility.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Yeah, it's gonna have to be Adam. Plus, you know, him and Eve kind of set in motion all this ghetto-ness that we're dealing with present day.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

That's definitely gonna be my my second red flag.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Um, but maybe if you would have been with Adam, you wouldn't have ate the apple. It wasn't an apple. No, no, it was an apple. It wasn't an apple. Maybe that's why we shouldn't use iPhones. But anyways, go ahead. Okay, squirrel.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Um yeah, so if we're thinking in that vein, then I would have added Samson into the list of my green flags because I feel like if Samson would have had a good woman, things would have ended differently for Samson. He just had a nagging, just hateful. Was he even married to Delilah? I know, I don't even know. Were they married? I don't know. I need to read the story again. Either way, he didn't have No, I didn't think they were married. I don't think they were. He needed a good woman. And he probably wouldn't have ended up the way that he ended up. He was consecrated and set it apart for the Lord. That's the biggest green flag that there is. But he chose the wrong woman. So unfortunate. So I guess that's my honorable mention. Do you have another honorable mention?

SPEAKER_01 11:14

Joseph.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

Which one?

SPEAKER_01 11:19

Jesus' what is he, stepdad?

SPEAKER_00 11:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

His stepdaddy.

SPEAKER_00 11:23

See, I didn't know if you were talking about that Joseph, or you were talking about Joseph's coat of many colors.

SPEAKER_01 11:28

Nah, nah. I'm talking about the the guy who married the lady pregnant with the Lord's baby and decided to stand beside her and you know. I think that's honorable.

SPEAKER_00 11:40

It's very honorable. Very. Could you imagine the kind of heat he was taking from people?

SPEAKER_01 11:49

They all probably were like, you're smoking crack.

unknown 11:52

Probably.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Something wrong with you. But he's like, This is my woman. I'm gonna stick beside her. I'm gonna follow the Lord. I'm gonna do what I need to do.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Yeah. Man, I'm so upset. I didn't think of that. You're a real one for that one.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

I know. It's rough.

SPEAKER_00 12:07

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe we can think about these and do this one again. Like, do another one, another round of this when I have more time to prepare and really think about my selections. All these Bible characters, there's got to be more green flags.

SPEAKER_01 12:24

They put all the they if social media was a thing, they put all their information out there. They told way too much detail. Didn't need to know all this.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Yeah, but it's helpful. It's helpful. We learn from it. I know not to get with someone who's got 700 other love interests.

SPEAKER_01 12:43

It didn't take I already knew that. Like it didn't take rocket science to figure that one out.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

Yeah, but now it's confirmed. Don't do that.

SPEAKER_01 12:52

And you know, uh Peter would be the mouthy person in Bible study that you're like wanting to kick out.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Everybody loves loves Peter in the Bible, but if he was your neighbor, he'd be like, Peter, you got to go.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

All I'm saying is that Peter is the perfect ride or die. He's the perfect ride or die. You don't have to wonder if things pop off, is Peter gonna show up? You know he's gonna show up. Pro possibly packing.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

So see, my Peter would have been the reason they popped off. He'd be he was ready from the jump.

SPEAKER_00 13:23

I don't see anything wrong with that personally. That's just me though. But alright, this was fun. We should do this again when I have more time to prepare.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

I had just as much time as you.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Yeah, but you had your phone and I didn't.

SPEAKER_01 13:39

Yeah, I said, oh no, I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to think through these. I'm gonna have to think through these.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

I'm gonna pose the question to you guys. Who are some of your biblical green flags and your biblical red flags and why? Tell us in the comments.

SPEAKER_01 13:56

And please. Please. I'm not gonna say it anyway.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

You got to say it now. We are all in suspense.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

I was gonna say, please don't say Judas. I mean, that's a given. Like, please don't make that one of your choices. I everybody knows. No one's picking Judas. The guy already, we've already bashed him enough, all right?

SPEAKER_00 14:20

Okay, so when you're making your selections, not Judas, according to Matt.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

We all understand. We don't need any explanation.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

No, we don't. All right, well, can't wait to hear. Y'all be as unserious as we just were. We'll see you guys.