Your Father Shaped More Than You Realize

Fatherhood is not about perfection. It is about presence, humility, responsibility, love, discipline, and a willingness to grow.

In this Father’s Day episode of Seriously, Sis, Julia and Madison are joined by Mike for a heartfelt conversation about godly fatherhood, strong male leadership, and the weight fathers carry in the home.

Mike shares openly about growing up without knowing his biological father, how that shaped his early years as a parent, and how obedience to Christ changed the way he leads, loves, disciplines, and shows up for his family.

Together, we talk about how fathers shape a child’s understanding of safety, identity, discipline, relationships, and even how they view God as Father. We also discuss the value of spiritual fathers, the difference between mothers and fathers, and why a father’s family is his first ministry.

This episode is an encouragement and a challenge: fathers matter deeply, their sacrifices should not go unnoticed, and their legacy has the power to shape generations.

In this episode, we discuss:
What biblical fatherhood looks like
How fathers shape a child’s identity and view of God
Why presence matters more than perfection
Healing from father wounds
The importance of spiritual fathers
Why a man’s family is his first ministry
How fathers can lead with humility, honesty, and love

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YouTube: @SeriouslySisPodcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

For the men out there, at some point in time in your life, you're gonna have to make a decision. Am I going to grow up to be better than the father that I may or may not ever known? Or am I going to dwell in what that person didn't give me? Because I guarantee you, when you guys looked through your childhood and through your life, there was just so many anchor points of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, God just showing you his love, his truth, his knowledge. And that's what pulled you back. Like I had several anchor points, right? And with those anchor points, it pulled me back to Christ. It pulled me back into a life of being a good dad. You know, and it's one of those things when you hear somebody else say, Yeah, you're being a good dad, it's it's a good feeling to have.

SPEAKER_02 0:43

Hey, hey, it's Your Success Podcast. And with this weekend being Father's Day, we figured we would talk through the importance of having a strong male figure in the household.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

So with that being said, we thought we probably needed to bring on a strong male father role model. So with that being said.

SPEAKER_02 0:59

Hey Mike.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Hey, how's it going?

SPEAKER_00 1:04

Thank you for being here. Don't think I had a choice. Wow. I'll let y'all handle that one.

SPEAKER_02 1:11

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 1:12

Might have been adult napped.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Adult napped. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

I don't think either one of us can carry him big enough to kidnap you.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

I'm offended by that. You guys didn't even try.

SPEAKER_00 1:23

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 1:24

I have actually tried to pick you up and it's not possible. It was sad. It was very sad.

SPEAKER_00 1:28

I believe it. Well, let's not offend our guests. Let's jump right to the topic about fatherhood. So, Madison, I'm gonna turn it over to you.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

Yeah, you know, we wanted to talk through kind of the importance of having a male role model in the house, um, especially uh from you know, raising kids up and the way that they should go. And I figured you of all people probably could really speak through that based off of kind of your testimony and what you you've gone through and being a really great father.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Yeah, well, thank you for saying that. It's been recorded, so keep it. Uh no, I think uh from my perspective, you know, with with our testimony and everything, uh, in the beginning, I definitely wasn't the kind of dad I was supposed to be and called to be. Um, and I think a lot of that was from childhood, since I never met my father. I didn't know exactly how to be a father, right? Had great male role models in my life, but they were pouring into me in a way of not not being like that dad figure, but being good male role models. And so uh made a lot of mistakes early on. Uh, and from those mistakes, God taught me how to do it right. And by being obedient to him, you know, it really changed who I was. I no longer worried about um, am I gonna be like my dad? You know, am I gonna be absent, right? Am I gonna be one of those dads that just doesn't care, doesn't love? And you know, from our first kid when Kiss was born, I was like, man, I don't know if I could love another kid. And then our next kid, and I was like, Man, I don't know if I could love another. And then like six kids later, I'm like, man, this is awesome. Um, but it's it's a great feeling to be a dad, but there is a side of it that I don't think uh most people know about. It's it's a struggle, to be honest. It's a constant struggle to make sure or to worry about, you know, am I doing it right? Am I pouring into my kids correctly? Um, you know, you think about your childhood, like, oh, did I do this wrong or did I do that wrong? Um, but biblically, I would say in the second half of our of our story, uh from everything I learned, I feel like it's been a phenomenal journey now. I'm seeing our kids do great things, uh, you know, going to church, taking notes in church now, like staying awake and paying attention. You know how hard that is to get your kids to pay attention in church because it don't matter who's up there, charismatic or not, you know, they're they're falling asleep. But no, it's uh it's been a great experience. Um I'm actually curious to hear from from you guys. Obviously, we all have our own experiences in our childhood when it comes to fathers. What are some of the main positive key things that you guys picked up?

SPEAKER_00 4:07

Madison, you want to go first or you want me to go first?

SPEAKER_02 4:09

Go ahead, take it away.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

Okay. Um, so I was fortunate in that um my uh biological father was in the house. Um, he and my mom were married for all of uh my childhood, and um and a lot of my early adulthood, they're they're no longer together, but they were there for um together for all of my formative years. And while you were talking, um I don't know the specific statistics off the top of my head, but there are many statistics that um show the outcome for children in homes with uh the father present versus those with the father not being present, and there's such a disparity. Um, so you know, in terms of high school graduation, um, college attainment, uh, behavioral issues, all those things, those are impacted astronomically just by having a father in the home. Um, that's not even necessarily saying it's a biblical father, just by having a father in the home. And so my dad was was um he was there uh when we were uh growing up and he uh he provided, um, you know, he he helped my mom raise us, he disciplined a lot of time. My man. Um but you know, you talk about fatherhood, and and I know we're looking at this from the biblical perspective, and as much as uh as much as I love my dad, he was not the one who led me to Christ, right? Um, so the Lord sent later the one that you guys hear me talk about a lot on this podcast, my spiritual dad. Um, and he really pointed me to Christ. So I always had a father in one sense or the other. Um, but it wasn't until my spiritual dad came in that I felt like I got the direction I needed in my spiritual life. And um, and that really changed the trajectory of my life in that regard. So even though I had a father at every turn of my life, just seeing how they were active in different areas and how that impacted every area of my life lets me know that someone who did not have a father in any of those areas um really is at a disadvantage because they don't have the leadership, they don't have um the guidance, they don't have the security just of having um a male in the home. Um so you know, I was blessed in that regard to really get to say in a in a non-weird way that I've had two dads in my life, two dad figures in my life, um, who have there, who have poured into me, you know, um like beyond really what I could ask. So I'm I'm a little bit spoiled in that regard.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

That that's good. And uh I like that you brought up the stats. It's um yeah, I can't think of the percentage off. I was literally just thinking of it to you. Um, but it it is proven when you have that male role model, whether it be the father, the stepfather, um, you know, the natural family, when you have that male authority in the house, it is completely different than just having a mother in the house. A mother can nurture a child. You guys have the ability to pour into in children. You know, I've seen Madison teach and do so many things with the kids, but there is a difference when the discipline comes from a real dad. And I'm not talking about abuse, uh, you know, let's negate all that. I'm just saying being authentic, loving, and showing that discipline as God has disciplined his children to get them back on track. You know, we're not bringing calamity into the home, right? Uh however, I know our kids will respond to my authority faster than they respond to hers because they know the consequence of disobedience is going to be more strict and more firm coming from me. Um, and then you know, if it comes from her, they know they need to listen because if they don't listen, then they disrespect mom. That's disrespecting dad at the same time. So it's good that you you brought that up. And having, you know, your your physical actual father to instill the worldly disciplines and the worldly knowledge is just as you know, just as important, right? Because you you have to have both. As a dad leading your children to Christ, you have to know the worlds, but you also have to know scripture and you have to know God, right? Because both are going to prepare you for the uh adventures that your children will bring into your life.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

That's a nice way of putting it.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Yeah, it's uh it's I would say out of all six of our kids, none of them have done the same thing. They all find something new to try out, and we navigate it, then God pulls us through it. But uh, you know, I know your childhood pretty well, but you know, what's what's some good things that you brought from from male role models in your childhood?

SPEAKER_02 8:38

I I think about like my personal childhood when it comes to male role models. My father was not very present, like he was present sometimes, but not really present. And honestly, when I think about like love as a child, I feel like I got most of my love from my dad. He was not very present, but when I was with him, I knew he loved me. I could tell he loved me. And and that's where I I really got to piece. I'm such a daddy's girl. And uh that might be why, because I felt so loved when I was with my dad all the time. Um, and then I had my my stepdad as a role model. And if I'm just being honest, he wasn't really a great male role model. He taught me a lot about um to keep my mouth shut, yeah, you know, and like people will say, Mass, and you, you know, there'll be scenarios where I might be a little more quiet and I listen. Uh yeah, I learned I learned structure really well in certain certain aspects and and whatnot. So I I can't pinpoint for me like that I did have a good male role model at all growing up. I had my mom, but there are things that I gotta see like from not having that in my my household. And um I think that like especially like you know, when we were separated and whatnot, um, me growing up without really a male role model and watching my mom step into a lot of roles in which she shouldn't have had to step into and she wasn't made to step into. I kind of naturally, when he was gone, I knew how to step into those roles, right? Because my mom used to do this. Like I saw these things over and over and over again. Um, one of the biggest impacts when you don't have a strong male in the house, and I say strong because it's necessary that they are strong, and I'm not talking physically strong, that's always nice, but I'm talking mentally strong. You know, they're they're meant to carry things a woman's not supposed to. And when you don't have that there, that's when your women become more callous. They be they're a little less feminine, they you lose your femininity. Um, and like for example, um Michael coming back into the picture and you know, walking this out. I've gotten to be more of a girl. I I know that sounds weird, but you know, like let's let some of the callouses go. Let's I don't worry about certain things. I don't have to. I let Mike do it. I don't have to discipline the kids. Mike will take care of that. It's amazing. You don't even understand.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

Um you're welcome.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

There are just certain things that it's it's I just feel like it's unnatural as a woman to do. And you know when you're in doing those things because it feels unnatural. It doesn't feel it, it literally takes a toll on you to do it. Um, when I had to like with Akesa, for example, growing up, when I really had to like step in and be the primary disciplinary for Akessa, took a toll on me. It hurt broke my heart to do it. So there's just so many things that biblically and non-biblically, just mentally, not having that strong male role model in your house, it really completely changes things. It really does.

SPEAKER_00 11:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree with you. Um, because you know, my my relationship with my biological father, and I just say that just for the sake of clarification, you know, my dad is my dad. Um, but I know I talked about a lot of different dads, and people can't keep up. So um my my relationship with my biological father um now is is very good. And um, that in and of itself is a part of my testimony that we keep telling y'all that we're gonna share. Um, but it's a it's a part of my testimony, but it wasn't always that way, right? There were there were seasons where my relationship with my biological father was um very difficult for me personally. And um, and so while you know he was there and he was present, and and I did not have any behavioral issues or anything like that. Um I was the kid who always had straight A's because if I brought home a B, he was looking at me crazy, like, why are you doing this? So he did prepare me a lot in that way. But one thing I will say is um, you know, when when my spiritual dad came into the the picture and he started leading me um in Christ, uh there was an aspect of fatherhood that I realized that I had not received from my biological father because he didn't have the capacity to do it. It wasn't that he, you know, had any ill intent or anything like that. And so when you're talking about um when you're talking about a strong male in the house and and how you can kind of chill and you can kind of relax, I can understand that just from a different perspective. I didn't know really what it was like to trust a man with my heart until my spiritual dad came into my life. And he helped me walk that out with my dad. And um, and the reason why me and my dad have the relationship that we have today is due in part to my spiritual dad, helping me walk through that and see things from a different perspective. But I didn't understand that I didn't know what it was like to be able to just relax in the presence of a male and not feel like I have to strive or not feel like I have to do all these things all the time. So I can't understand it from the the the aspect of not having a dad at all, but from understanding how as women, you know, we tend to be more heart-driven individuals. Yeah. And we tend to be individuals that need to rest in that more often. Um, having a male in your life who you can trust, yes, with your physical body, but you can also trust with your heart, you can trust with your walk, you can trust to guide you when you might not have clarity of a situation so that you don't have to make every decision. Um, you know, that is critical for women. And I know we talked about um some episodes ago about, you know, the different roles and marriages and stuff like that. And I feel like to your point, you know, when women are so used to um having to do everything and having to make every decision, they do become callous, they do become more on the masculine side. You hear the world talk about it all the time, their masculine energy versus their feminine energy. Um, but when when you really do submit to God's design, there really is a gift in that for us, and that we get to step back into what God called us to be and take some of that load off of our shoulder. And so, you know, I I when I see women, you know, railing against masculinity and all of these things, I'm just like, you really don't understand that you're just adding more stuff on your lap that you have to deal with that you really weren't designed to carry. It really, if you find the right man, because there are wrong ones, but if you find the right man, he will add to your life and make your life easier, but you got to do it God's way.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Exactly. I like you're saying spiritual dad, and what I'm hearing is there was the Holy Spirit in a male role model in your life that was reaching out to you. And I want to say this, and this goes out, and I'm I'm speaking to the men in this. The Holy Spirit shows up in your life at a young age. He is present, he is there to remove the excuses that you will make when you get older. And for me, not having a dad in my life, never met my dad, right? My mom raised me, and the best thing she ever did when I was a young teenage boy was put me into a program with a college male, and the guy I got linked up with was a Christian. He took me to a Christian coffee shop that got me linked up with another amazing, very amazing man that actually married us uh when we were younger. Phenomenal male role model. And from him, I just met all these amazing men that just poured into me. Yeah, I was a knucklehead before them, and then after I grew up, uh, you know, I was a knucklehead too. But the Holy Spirit was like, hey, I don't care that you didn't have a father because you are a man now. You are making the choice to be a child living without a dad. I introduced you to your real father, the one who will always love you, that doesn't forsake you, that's always here, that's trying to teach you how to be a better man. You're just not listening. You're you're living in that self-pity. So for the men out there, at some point in time in your life, you're gonna have to make a decision. Am I going to grow up to be better than the father that I may or may not ever known? Or am I going to dwell in what that person didn't give me? Because I guarantee you, when you guys look through your childhood and through your life, there was just so many anchor points of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, God just showing you his love, his truth, his knowledge. And that's what pulled you back. Like I had several anchor points, right? And with those anchor points, it pulled me back to Christ. It pulled me back into a life of being a good dad. Um, you know, and it's one of those things when you hear somebody else say, Yeah, yeah, you're being a good dad, it's it's a good feeling to have because you know, like we do question things. There is a burden that, you know, and I'm sorry you you went through that time period where you were exposed to that, but it's it's not easy because knowing that one day when I leave this earth and I'm standing next to Jesus, God's gonna talk to me about all the things as a dad and as a husband that I did right and then I did wrong. I'm gonna answer for all the things my kids done. I'm gonna answer for things like if I've led my wife in the wrong direction. You know, God's gonna be like, hey, why'd you make your family leave? And I guarantee you it's gonna be the first thing he's he knows the answer, but he's gonna make me talk about it, right? Um, so it's it's one of those things you have to let go of the excuses. Like there's nothing in my life that I could be like, okay, this is why I I I'm gonna allow myself to be uh not present, right? And you know, not being a biblical father. I know the truth now, so I take the truth, I apply it to my life, and I apply it to my kids' life. Now I don't I'm not saying I'm a perfect dad. I'm not saying that there are times uh, you know, where I just gotta be alone and away from our kids because having the hard conversations with my kids or punishing them disciplinary in any sort of way, like it hurts. But as a dad, I know I have to shoulder it and then I have to go to Christ and I have to give it to him because I can't go back on it, right? And then when I think about it, I'm like, man, how many times in my life has God disciplined me and just had a look at me and just be like, Man, I have to discipline you, but it hurts, right? And I know as a dad, I'm like, man, there's times with our oldest daughter Akess, I've I've had to grill her about stuff. Our oldest son, no, I've had to grill about stuff, and it hurts my heart. And on the inside, dads, we cry. I mean, on the outside, she sees me cry too, but that's a whole different podcast. Um but on the inside, it does hurt us, it scars, uh, it scars our heart. And you know, I just feel so bad for the women out there that are after pool double duties because men are not showing up to be men. Um, and it's just one of those things. If if you're afraid you're not gonna be a good dad, guess what? There's a book that will show you the truth on how to be a great dad. You just have to open it up, you have to have that relationship with Christ. Because once the Holy Spirit comes inside you and you start reacting in a way that the Holy Spirit is calling you to, you know, being obedient to that, um, then how can you do it wrong?

SPEAKER_00 19:30

Right. You like you have deep in thought over there.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

I'm just listening to everything he's saying, and I'm just thinking about like the differences between, you know, men and women, like God made us so different. And like I'm he's talking through disciplinary and that kind of stuff. And I'm thinking, I'm just thinking about all the times the kids come to me, Mom, can I do this? And I know they're on grounding or they're not supposed to have it. And I'm like, I don't care what you do, just leave me alone. Like it's fine. And Michael's so steadfast and straight. No, like this is the this is what's happening. You earn the punishment, this is what's happening. And I always sit and I watch and I'm like, I've always looked at it, and this is the wrong thing, and I'm sitting here like, oh, I guess this is the wrong thing. I used to be like, man, he's stubborn, he's such a stubborn person. And I know a lot of guys that are like that. That I watch them and I'm like, dude, dude, if it's no, it's no. It's like dug the line in the sand. And it's just, we're just so different. We have different roles. We were meant to have different roles. There's a reason that like we as moms, we tend to bend, we bend easier. It's just the truth of it. I know lots of mothers, I know lots of moms, I have lots of mother friends, and they talk to me about the situations with their kids, and oh, he was grounded, but then he wanted to go to the movies. And I was like, fine, you can go with your friends to the movies. And the dad's like, no, you know, we said that we weren't doing this, and it's just it's just while he's sitting there talking to me, I'm having this epiphany. I'm like, we're just like completely different, like the way we are made, because we weren't made to do the same same things and we just weren't. And um, I don't know why. When you were talking through that, I thought about like uh as as I've walked, and you know, we have six kids, and and um, like I said, I didn't really have a male role model in life. I I just didn't, and uh I didn't realize that until I was sitting here and you were talking. I was like, dang, who was my oh, I didn't have one. Okay. Um and when you don't have that in the home, you have no, you'd have nothing to to really use to identify what a good man looks like. And that's something I had to walk through at a young age. Like, what does a good man look like? Like, what is that supposed to look like? Um, it was so surprising to me when I first met Michael and we were together, and he never put his hands on me. I was that was weird. Like, people do that. Like, people aren't cussing and fighting and and punting and beating each other up. I couldn't identify that because that was just normal. Like, I'm like, okay, this that would be completely normal. If he at that point in my life, he did that. He's not a bad man, he's just a man. He's just you know doing what makes do so like not having like not staying there and being with your kids and stepping up and fixing yourself will identify how how your daughters what they put up with in a relationship how their your your your men are going to treat their wives how they're going to treat the next thing he is he's different with noah than he is with akessa I watch him all the time I almost I'm like dang he's really hard on noah sometimes I think that but then as I watch I'm like I'm so proud of who noah is as a young man I'm I'm impressed that the things that he can do the things that he will do like willingly doesn't even complain and it's not not because of me because I'd be like you're gonna complain well just forget about it like let's just keep going it's because he has taken time to like really get in the word and he realizes yeah why he may not like me at this moment it may be hard at this moment long term he's gonna be a better man than probably 90% of the generation he's in at this point the way I'm looking at it. But it it just it plays such a pivotal role and I I think that um in the the the day and age that we're in now sure we don't value that we think that a woman can step into any shoe and it can fill any place and that it it the outcome will be the same. But it's just not true. And if you are a believer it's just not biblical. It really isn't for you like any woman or anyone to be a believer to be like they don't have a daddy they don't need a daddy they didn't need they don't need a male role model. Well that's just not biblical so what Bible are you reading?

SPEAKER_01 23:33

Yeah that's that's pride honestly it's all it boils down to and our our society and our culture you know you can you can find so many different avenues of why it came to like hey let's just empower women to do all things and women you guys are powerful like so powerful. We know yeah I know you know uh but no it's it's an amazing thing but it's also an amazing thing to just be a woman you know I'm saying like you can just be a wife and a mom and that's that's how God designed it right and I will say what makes a dad even better is a wife that will let him lead and then also pour back into him and encouraging him in those times because it's exhausting trying to not only make yourself better but think about everything you're also doing. And then when she was talking about Noah I think about it all the time and I had to tell myself a long time ago if my kids hate me for a season but they're not doing drugs, they're not out there killing people they're not beating women up or they're not you know as a girl they're they're not being promiscuous ever with every man they see I'm like if they're living a better life but they don't like me right now that's fine. Right. And it's and I'm not saying like I'm being extra mean to them I don't let them do stuff like our kids have a great life like your kids have a fantastic so spoiled time. And she recognizes it and and don't get me wrong like my mom did great with what we had growing up and I'm so thankful for the hard work that she put in to to make sure we had food and and a place to live. But the abundance of food and stuff that my kids have now is a testament that you know we decided to work hard for that. And our our kids see that and and Noah even Malachi like Malachi a young kid he is he's grown up he's got a big brother to toughen him up so I don't have to I get to sit back and watch him like yeah all right you know so annoying wrestle with him a little bit but drives me crazy. Noah is a hard worker and he loves to serve people um he does a lot of the dirty jobs at the house with me and everything and he he doesn't complain and I know I can't ask my daughters to do it. They're like oh you want me to take out the trash that's disgusting and I'm like no take out trash and he just goes and does it. He knows that it's the responsible right thing to do. To the point even when he's with his friends or with other people from the church you know they've they've told me like hey man like he just started cleaning or whatever or somebody asked him to do something he's like no my parents said that's I'm not allowed to do that so I'm not gonna do it. And I'm like that's great to know that he's being obedient now because I know if they can be obedient to us when their salvation really clicks in their brain they can start being obedient to the Lord right by being obedient to us they already are being obedient to the Lord but you we all know kids there's a pivotal moment in your life at some point in time you realize like oh man Jesus Christ is real not just somebody that my parents are talking about and making me go to church for um so that's the that's the important thing you can't always be loved easily when you have to be the strong person in the house. They may still love you deep down inside but I know for split second especially with our uh our middle daughter um there are definitely times her attitude tells me that she does not like me and she would fight me.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

I can yeah I could see that especially if it's food related um typically is food related. No, as both of y'all were talking you know you you're talking a lot about the characteristics of a father and you know and what to look for if you didn't have one. And as you both of y'all were talking I was thinking about um where it says and I don't remember exactly where it says but basically God we call him father and it says I am the father from whom all other fathers derive their name meaning God is the example of what a good father is. And so when you're looking for a father figure if you didn't have one that's your example that is your model. And we're gonna assume that that's still recording and keep going. But um that's what God said like I it's it's my name through which all fathers derive their name. And so if if you didn't have a father and you find yourself in a position to where now you are a new father. You have a father that you can look to um I remember my my um someone I love was telling me that one time they were if this was a man who is a father was telling me that they um they were in prayer one day because they were reading the scripture where it says you know I think it's like Deuteronomy where it talks about who begot who, so on and so forth the most part that we usually skip. And he was reading it and he was like he said he started crying because he realized that like he wouldn't he didn't he wouldn't feel any pride um in saying you know his name son of so and so because they didn't have a relationship with his dad. And he said in that moment the Lord spoke to him was like you don't get to say that anymore because I am your father and I'm going to teach you how to father. And so you know for the men out there who find themselves in a fathership um position whether it's it's biologically or someone the Lord has brought into your life if you feel like you don't know what that looks like God is the ultimate guide and he's who you can look to and and women if you didn't have that role model if you didn't have that dad in your life and you're like what does it look like to be fathered? Look at how the Lord fathers you and to your point the Lord uh corrects the child that he loves he leads them he does not bend he he leads us in the direction that he wants us to go in for our for our own sake but he also laid his life down for us. That is what a good father looks like I remember I was um taught I was actually in college and I was talking to one of my professors and she probably at the time was like I don't know maybe in her late 50s early 60s somewhere and um the Lord I felt like the Lord wanted me to tell her that he loved her and um and that he loved her like a father. And when I said that to her she looked at me and she said it's really hard for me to receive because my relationship with my father was bad. And then she started telling me her testimony with her father and her relationship with her father was bad. Like the worst thing that you can think of probably multiply it. And um and she was like so that's so hard for me to receive and I remember when she shared that with me thinking you know how big of a responsibility it is for fathers to not mess this up because people are not then able to look at God as their father because we base unfortunately a lot of the times we base our relationship and how we see God off of our relationship with our earthly fathers. So that is the biggest reason why fathership is so um important um in on on this side of heaven because a lot of times people are making associations with God and his fathership with how their fathers handled them. And so when you're standing before Jesus when you're standing before the Lord and he looks at you and he asks you what did you do with what I gave you that's not really something you want to play with.

SPEAKER_01 30:31

First off I just want to say I'm sorry. Give me a moment to gather my thoughts because I wasn't quite ready for this conversation. No it's as a dad one thing that I always tell myself now is um now that we've been back together and we've made things right I I tell myself I'm like hey if you want to do something stupid be ready to see that manifest in your children. Whatever you're doing in the dark guess what your kids are going to do that too. And I'm like okay you're absolutely right it's not just like we get caught up in the physical realm so much that we forget that who we are and how we act and how we do things our kids are going to start doing that. Yeah I got kids will do things on their own they'll discover things the world is is there too but the closer we get to Christ the closer we you know mirror Christ the more our children are going to be able to have a solid anchor point in their life. So when they trip up or they do something crazy they feel comfortable to come talk to us about it or they can find their way back to Christ. And that's the most important thing because we all know that at some point in time you know you know my life's gonna expire and it's just going to be my kids here right so when I leave this world I pray that I've given them enough Christ like advice and love and shown them Christ enough that they continue on following Christ on their own. And that's the ultimate goal like I I love them here. I want to be you know here for them for everything but I know only through the power of Christ can I do that. And when I'm gone the power of Christ will still be here to do that for me. So it's it's cool. Being a dad is awesome. It's it's been one of the like every time I've you know we've gone to the hospital and I've been there you know for the birthing process I'm like a six year old kid in a candy store just like so excited because I'm getting the best Christmas present I've ever gotten before in my entire life every single time. So when people are like hey who's your favorite kid I'm like all of them like now granted there are certain days where some of them annoy me more than the other ones that is a truth that is a factual thing that all parents understand but they're all my favorite because what they bring to the table is completely different. You know what my oldest daughter and my youngest daughter have uh completely different. I think my youngest daughter could probably take my oldest daughter because she's a tough one.

SPEAKER_02 32:49

Yes she is visualize it.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

Yeah well at least she's she's very young. She's two years old so and uh our oldest is 19 so still probably accurate yeah yeah she's she's a tough girl um I think one of the best things in my life that I realized especially since I when I retired from the army was I get to see the second half of our family grow up like the first three I missed out on a lot um you know and that was that was me um you know that was that was a dumb decision on my part but the next three I'm like wow I'm getting to to be here for all these things and as a dad some of the best advice I can give other dads be honest with your kids tell them the truth when you're you know for a prime example and I don't even know if I told Maddie this so this is like news to you um Noah got to a fight at school kids were picking on him like pretty pretty bad and he didn't start this fight and uh but he won because he's a tough kid taught him well um we were in the car and he you know he started crying and he was upset and I kind of was asking him some questions and whatnot and he answered it you know so I just grabbed his hand just like this I just grabbed his hand and I was like man I was like Noah let me tell you something I never met my dad and I don't know that you know the impact on my life that that has had on me but I was like if I haven't loved you enough or I haven't said I loved you enough I'm so sorry. And we sat in my truck and cried together and I was like I'm not afraid to tell you that I am wrong for some of the things I've done and I need you to understand that I want your forgiveness so I want to do better by you and I want you to know I love you through everything that you could do. I'm always going to love you and I'm always going to be here for you. The same thing with Akessa like I've sat down with her and I've been like hey you know because there's a few things that have happened in her life uh she made some red flag decisions on dumb boys the date and I got it she's a teenager but I asked her I was like hey what have I done in your life that you know I haven't been a good example of a father for you to find a good man to be with you know you know we had a great conversation about it but it's just those things like as a dad have those honest conversations with your kids so they know you're still human and not just a robot that says no because you know life is hard and it's not cheap and everybody wants to go out to eat and everybody wants a vacation so dad's got to calculate the pennies and make sure that we're good to go. But uh no just you know that's the best advice I can give is that don't be afraid to be honest but also don't put your burdens on your kids. It's not their responsibility but you could say sorry you know if you got too mad in the moment um you could say sorry if you didn't make an event you know just be honest with them um because I I it doesn't matter how great of a dad you are you're not gonna get everything right and you're not gonna be there for everything. So you just gotta apologize sometimes and just hope they forgive you and hope they understand because one day they're gonna be parents and you're gonna be like remember when I told you that's good you look like you have lots of thoughts all the thoughts what you got I do have all the thoughts but um I I'm just thinking through like our responsibility as parents you know that your your household is your first ministry.

SPEAKER_02 36:07

Yeah you sometimes you know you see men in in the word or pastors or people who are fully invested you were talking about being in the word and and being that type of father that are fully they're preaching they're leading they're doing these things and you see that their child is that's your first ministry. So make sure that you're you're prioritizing that. Prioritize family first.

SPEAKER_01 36:30

Yep and to to add to that because we've you and I have had great conversations about it some of your kids you were pour the front to the back of the Bible into them you could literally read it to them verbatim and you can pray with them and you can show them the greatest Christlike values in their life but they're still going to make the wrong decisions. But that's just because we're all we were all young once and we were influenced by the world and and things happened.

SPEAKER_00 36:54

Stubbornness stubborn stubborn teenagers all the way up to middle 20s I think I was probably in my mid-20s before I kind of started letting go of some of my stubbornness um sure my fair well I mean it just it reminds me of um you know the the prodigal son you know yeah he had a dad who was a strong dad and he still went his own way but it also reminds me of train what train up a child in the way that they should go yeah and uh when they grow older they will not depart from it at some point that switch is gonna go off you know even if they don't get it even if they live crazy you know as soon as they get out from under your roof if you put the right thing inside of them um it's in there you know I've seen it I've even seen it with like um you know with with my spiritual family I've got like 16 brothers and sisters so I got a slew of nieces and nephews and um and and they've got a bunch of friends and so I've seen in in in that area you know some of them go off and do some interesting things or their friends mainly go off and do some interesting things but it's also always awesome to also get to see when they get in a situation and it clicks in their head that's like oh no I gotta get out of this because and to see them make that decision even if they may not have made a good decision at the start but because they had that in them they didn't make a decision that would take them too far. Like I've gotten to see that too. And so the word is true you know train up a child in the way that they should go and when they grow old they will not depart from it. And so you know you can't we're not raising up robots right like God doesn't puppet us around right but he still is believing that the love that he gave to us is going to transform our hearts and make us choose him. And I believe that if if you do that as a parent speaking not as a parent but I believe that if you do that as a parent um you put yourself in the best position to be able to experience that right yeah so leading them um as a good example is is crucial because I mean I made some stupid choices too but I remember being in that church and I remember what my mom told me when I was coming up and there's been times I'm like oh that's what y'all doing.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

Nah yep I I think some of the best stuff that we do and it resonates with our children especially Malachi because that boy loves to praise and worship. He's not a vocalist but he will sing.

SPEAKER_02 39:21

He will sing.

SPEAKER_01 39:22

I think pray in front of your kids pray with your kids let them see you actually praying what not let them see you reading the word and then talk to them about it not just reading it right and then fill your house with praise and worship. That's like just like the bare minimum of things you can do to expose your kids to the love of Jesus Christ. And it not only helps keep you in line because reading the word you know what they say if you read the word like five three to five times a week you know you decrease your desire to sin by like 50 to 75%. So obviously spending more time doing things with Christ means you're doing less of the nonsense in your life that's going to pull you further away from Christ. Same thing with your kids. So being on the worship team we play a lot of praise and worship music in the house and then outside of the songs we're learning we're still playing a lot of praise and worship music in the house she may listen to the more of the uh gospel and um screaming softer stuff loud vocals I like the heavy loud understand what they're saying yelling listen it doesn't sound any what godly a little demonic possibly no no the newest song that came out that I like and I've seen our little daughter uh look at me and she make that little stank face and she's dancing to it a little bit I'm like yeah it ends with a prayer right and the one of the singers you know I'm not gonna shout out the the band name on here but the singer that came back to play with the music he's a senior pastor in a church what does that have to do with the man he screams with the holy pipes joyful noise it doesn't say what kind of joyful noise it doesn't sound joyful to me it is at all yeah I I enjoy it I guess we have to have a separate conversation on genres of what should be the heavier the better all right that's what I'm sticking with but no I'm excited Father's Day is a is a great time um for me it's not about the gifts it's it's about just seeing my family and then um being a part of it like that's that's the best gift of all is just knowing that my kids actually love me um and I I've been able to provide we've been able to provide a great great life for them so it's that's that's exciting for me.

SPEAKER_00 41:27

So what I'm hearing is that this Father's day you guys need to make sure that you're loving on your dads just like you loved on your moms for Mother's Day. So that they know that um you know everything that they're sacrificing for you is going um noticed and not going unnoticed because I know that it matters.

SPEAKER_02 41:46

Yeah they're bearing the stress so you don't have to be stressed right and I only have one thing that I would like to add.

SPEAKER_01 41:53

So I was talking to our oldest um one day she was having some issues with a boy and he was texting whatnot and I said what did you text him she said I told him if he wants to talk to me he's gonna have to talk to go he can text my dad I looked at her and said Kessa what does it feel like where you have uh your own built-in bodyguard she's like it's awesome I believe it she's not wrong she said it's awesome this girl this girl every time she doesn't want to deal with someone I told him they can talk to my dad you know what I love that yep these two over here having a whole power what are you guys even talking about we have it handled the less you know the better just I'm just kidding don't be a witness but anyways well now we have to end this podcast because I feel like it's going to end in court so um any final thoughts no happy father's day and uh that's it I don't have anything else happy father's day happy father's day babe thanks I appreciate it happy father's day money um final thoughts for me happy father's day to all the fathers out there um super excited for all you fathers that are doing it right find some young fathers and just pour into them um and fathers that are doing it right find other fathers that are doing it right and continue to sharpen each other so that way whatever comes next you guys are there for each other dads need dads like no other um we can love each other in different ways but happy father's day and I guess I would just say um to all the fathers out there that if you feel like what you're doing is going unnoticed or your voice is not valued, I guarantee there's someone somewhere who is listening to you who is taking to heart the things that you're sharing.

SPEAKER_00 43:34

So don't stop speaking I think that the enemy would like to silence dads um to not speak and not have a voice but I want to encourage you to not do that because you will find that there are those who really are listening and um and and we really are trying to move forward in what you're instilling in us. So happy Father's day live in your moment and please please keep doing what you do