Still Single? | Here's What People Won't Say Out Loud

"Why am I still single?"

It's one of the most common - and most painful - questions single Christian women ask.

But what if the answer isn't just "wait on God's timing"?

In this episode of Seriously, Sis Podcast, we're having an honest conversation about the real reasons someone may still be single. Some are practical. Some are spiritual. And sometimes...God is doing far more behind the scenes than we realize.

We discuss everything from unrealistic expectations and personal growth to the possibility that God is protecting you from relationships you aren't meant to enter.

This isn't about blaming singles.

It's about asking honest questions, pursuing biblical wisdom, and trusting God's purpose, whether He calls you into marriage tomorrow or years from now.

Check us out!

Instagram: @SeriouslySis.Podcast

YouTube: @SeriouslySisPodcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Don't make it an idol, but also don't pretend like it's not something you want. We don't ask people to do that in any other area of our lives. Like any other area, we tell people pray, have faith, believe, keep thinking, keep knocking, keep asking until it comes to marriage.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

Hey, hey, welcome back. It's your sister's podcast. And this week we are talking about why are you still single?

SPEAKER_00 0:34

I love how you switched it because it would be a lie if you said why.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

I'm not single.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

You're not. You probably should have let me open this one up. Um, but but the wording is specific, I think, because it's uh a question that a lot of single women, me being one, I can understand, ask themselves. So so when you say why are you still single, it has a different connotation and impact than when Why are y'all still single? That's even worse than if you say, Why am I still single? I think this is a self-reflection kind of question. Um, and honestly, I think that you can answer it overly spiritually, and I think you can also answer it practically. So, since I'm the single one in this situation, I will go with my first why you might still and why I might still be single. And um I will start with a practical answer because I'm sure you're expecting me to be overly spiritual. Uh, your standards might be too high. And and I have high standards, but I don't think my standards are unrealistic. That's what I should have said. Your your standard might be unrealistic uh for a number of reasons. Uh, you might be expecting this image of a man of what you've seen on TV, and that's just not how real people are.

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

You might be expecting perfection. And in my 32 years, I have not met one perfect person. Um and you you may uh have this rose-colored idea of what marriage is. And I I think a lot of people fantasize about marriage, like they romanticize it, and they think when I get married, it's just gonna be great and it's gonna be fuzzy and rainbows and all these things, and then you date someone, and that someone might be a very good man, but then you argue or you don't see things eye to eye, and you think, well, this can't be it because this doesn't fit my fairy tale vision that I had. So, you know, now I know that there's a lot of people that that does not apply to, but I know that there are a lot of people that it does apply to. Um, you know, he's gotta be six eight and he's gotta have six eight is crazy. And he's gotta have a full beard that fully connects, and he's gotta be making six figures, and he's gotta make it to where I don't have to work, and he's gotta be uh the spiritual leader. And not only is he gotta be the spiritual leader, but like I've gotta lean on him for everything that I've ever wanted, and I expect him to lead us biblically, he needs to lead us in worship, he needs it like you you want Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 3:33

I think Kanye West wrote a song about some of those things you talked about a while back.

SPEAKER_00 3:39

And what song is that? I'm not willing to say in my context what it's called, but ah, I am I do know that song. I believe you're referring to Gold Digger. And you could be right. There's a little bit of that.

SPEAKER_03 3:56

I think sometimes us women are not at a certain place. And we're expecting the man that we walk and we meet to already be there. We don't want to grow with people. We want to package box. That's what you just explained. The that's shortcut. Let's give you the shortcut version of a man. And I tell you, if you got everything you just named in that bucket of man that you just talked about, if you got it all and you got married and you got, guess what? He'd still have things that you're like, this man, I'm on, you know, like he'd still have something. I think um, I think another reason that uh, you know, I'm one of 13 kids, and I have a lot of sisters. There's only two boys in my family. So you do the math because I'm not going to. But there's a lot of women in my family, and um I think only two of us are married. And some of the things that, you know, I noticed just from an outside view looking in is one, the standards are two other people's standards for you play a lot into it. If I went off of what certain people in my family were saying and told me, I wouldn't be married to Michael right now. Because he was beneath my standard. Sorry, I hit my microphone. He was beneath my family's standard for me. Um, and sometimes we let other people standard in what they think you need and what they think you should have, and what they think does look good to the world. What looks good to the world, really? Is that what we're looking at? We let those little standards sway us from chasing after or staying with the guy who maybe checks a lot of the boxes, not all the boxes. Sure. Most important one is six eight. Anyways.

unknown 6:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 6:06

Michael is not six eight. That's crazy. That's just too tall.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

I picked the most outlandish one I could think of, guys.

SPEAKER_03 6:14

Um I mean, most importantly, are they Christian, godly? Do they have a relationship with the Lord? Are they walking with the Lord? I think those things are the most important. And I think in a worldly sense, a lot of people, those are not the most important. So those just stick a back burner. What's really important is that he makes six figures. That he drives a Lambo, that he's six's eight, and that he's not bald.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

That he's not bald and that his beard connects.

SPEAKER_03 6:41

And his beard connects, and he has a six-pack.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:44

We have to have the six-pack. That's a necessary. No matter what. Like, I don't care who I'm talking to. Gotta have the six pack. But he has to have big arms.

SPEAKER_00 6:55

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, of course. Just keep adding to this list. I like this list. Um, but um, you're you're absolutely right. Uh, I I do think other people's views, standards, whatever, have too much of a voice sometimes, and it makes us like make wrong decisions. Um, I also I want to start on the practical side because I'm living this thing, so I got all the answers. But sometimes we over-spiritualize about certain things, and I want to start practically. Um, I think another reason could be that you are, you might not be what the man that you are wanting is looking for. And what I mean by that is we always need to take a mirror to ourselves, right? If you've been single, and I have been, so I'm speaking to myself, if you've been single for a significant amount of time, at some point you have to do some sort of self-reflecting to be like, is there something, some work that needs to be done in me? And to be clear, there's work that needs to be done in us all continuously. But you have to ask yourself that. Because if you have this standard of this particular man, I guarantee you that man has a standard of the kind of woman that he wants. So, what's your relationship with God like? Because I guarantee you that man that you want wants a man who will lead his children in Christ, help him lead his children in Christ. What's your relationship like? Do you know how to control your mouth?

SPEAKER_03 8:26

That's a big one. It's so hard.

SPEAKER_00 8:29

Because if you don't, I guarantee you, any man, whether he's walking with the Lord or not, they're really not big on disrespect. I don't know, you know, if we know that, but men really are not big on disrespect. You want to lose his ear as quick as possible, disrespect that man. Do you have control over your tongue? The Bible talks about that. It's a word given specifically to us, maybe because God knows that men tend to shut down whenever they get disrespect. Even if the thing that you're saying is right, even if the thing that you're saying is true, how you say it matters. Do you have control over your tongue? How do you carry yourself? If you want that man with that six-pack, are you in the gym? Don't be judging me. Girl, you're married. I'm talking about me. But no, these are just questions that you have to ask. And there's nothing wrong with having a preference. I joked, I kid a lot about you know, height and all those things. There's nothing wrong with everyone has a preference. If they say they don't, they're lying. But what you want, you have to also be willing to be. And I don't just mean that in the physical sense, I mean that in the spiritual sense, I mean that in the in the sense of your personality, all those things. You cannot ask for this top-tier man, and you're living a basic life. Like that, he's he's not going to be looking for that. So you have to be um working on yourself internally. Do you got a whole bunch of trauma that you've not dealt with that you're gonna bring into that relationship that's gonna run that man away? Or have you dealt with it? And the evidence of that, I'm sure, is already showing up in your regular everyday life. Like, these aren't not all of these things are things that we don't find out until after we get married. Like, I think it's goes without saying that no matter who you marry, you're gonna argue. You just at some point you're gonna not see eye to eye. I've there's no relationship that I've been a part of romantically or platonically where we always saw eye to eye. Right. So you might as well get that out of your mind. Um, but if you are bringing in things that you should have dealt with before, like my family trauma, like my past relationship trauma, all those things need to be dealt with. And I guarantee you they're showing up in your other relationships because they're causing problems in your other relationships. They might be the reason why your dating relationships don't work out the way that you want them to because you've not dealt with your baggage. So again, doesn't apply to everyone. And and I'm getting there, I'm getting there for the ones who it doesn't apply to. Um, but we do have to start with the practical sense because we will over-spiritualize this thing in a second and make it about well, the Lord is just hiding me in. Maybe you just need to do some work. Anyway, from the outside looking in, what's another thing of why we might still be single?

SPEAKER_03 11:36

Um I think we are in the day and age of um this mentality. I'm gonna call it queen mentality. And I think that yes, we are all queens. Um, but I'm not in my princess. Anyways, because my dad's 16. Like I'm a brat, I deserve everything, like everything should be given to me. Um, I should be put on a pedestal and treated like the queen that I am, and we no longer treat men, and this is not everyone, this is just I see it a lot, where we don't value them. They're here to open my door, pay my bills, um, feed me, make me feel good about myself, take me on dates, and that's it. It's not about them, it's about me. And I I just don't know any any man, any good man, any good Christian man that's gonna put up with that.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:37

Like where this is the the Madison show. I like to tell people that act like that. It's just your world. I'm just living in it, you know. Like with people that think that the world revolves around them. I I do see that a lot where I talk to women and they're telling me, like, oh, it didn't work out with whoever, and in the next breath, they're like, oh, he was a loser, anyways. Like, he didn't do this for me, he didn't do that for me. It's just this bratty mentality, like, you're better than them.

SPEAKER_02 13:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:07

I'd hate to date someone that thought they were better than me. That'd be crazy. I just couldn't fathom it. Uh, I think that's an issue that I see a lot. Um, I think you're right that uh sometimes our standards are completely out of whack. We are so unrealistic of what we think we deserve. And sometimes we do let emotional and uh past baggage come in and ruin relationships. Or we get into relationships that we knew weren't gonna work from the jump.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

And you just wasted a year of your life knowing that it wasn't ever gonna work out. They were completely below the standards that you're looking for, but you entertained it for a year. And now for a whole year, you could have been working on yourself, you could have been waiting for the right person, but instead you put yourself on the back burner because you decided to date whoever. We'll say Alfonso or David or something.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

Alfonso is crazy.

SPEAKER_03 14:17

Anyway, she decided to date this guy that you knew would never ever be the guy for you, whether that's you're a Christian or not a Christian, but you decided to date him anyways, knowing that you were never gonna marry him. We don't date casually, that's not the point. It's just to date someone, just to date for a little while, just so we're not lonely, but we never have intention to marry.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

Right.

SPEAKER_03 14:41

Let's set that standard. The reason you date someone is to marry them.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

I'm just trying to figure out if we can do this thing forever. That's the whole point.

SPEAKER_03 14:51

If I get in here and I'm like, I'm never gonna marry this guy, anyways, I'm just having a good time, and that's why you're single.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Exactly. And you're also taking uh space away from the right guy being able to come along because you in this fake relationship, given this person who you know you're not gonna give any long time, like the time of day, all this access, if another man who's you know worth anything, see who might be interested in you, sees you entertaining this other dude, if he respects relationships, he's not gonna, you know, which I'm hopefully is what you want. You want somebody who will respect you like that. You are uh blocking access for the actual person to be able to come into your life at the right time, just casually dating, just to do your thing. So I'm glad you said that because I wouldn't have thought of that, but that's that's definitely a good point. Um now I'm done picking on us. Now I would like to. For me personally, you can continue to pick on us if you want to, but for me personally, just want to slide into some of these other aspects. If none of those things apply to you, like if you've been working on yourself, you know, you're not perfect, you know that, but you've been working on yourself, you have a reasonable standard at the top of that list being that he knows Jesus intimately. Um, and and but you know, it's not crazy, like you know, if he if he's got that and check some other boxes on your list, but he's 6'6 instead of 6'8. I'm kidding.

SPEAKER_03 16:28

Um but 6'6 is still insane. Like, what is going on?

SPEAKER_00 16:33

But I'm I can't, I can't.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

And I know Julia's sitting in a chair, but she is not that tall, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

I think I'm taller than she is. You're not. Yes, I am.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Let's not get that light guarded, okay? You're not. My point is taller, me or Julia. My point is if all of the important aspects, if all of I'm done, I'm not talking about that anymore. If all of the important aspects he's checking off that box, maybe be okay with the fact that he's bald. Like, you know, it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 17:04

Bald is beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 17:05

It is. If you are that, if you're that person, then I do think that there are some other considerations.

SPEAKER_03 17:12

Listen, every man I've ever dated went bald. I don't know why.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

You're stressing them out. Like you're stressing me out right now. You set yourself up for that one. As I was saying.

SPEAKER_03 17:31

Bald is beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

It is. It's beautiful. Celebrate yourself, man. Um, I do want to be kind because I like to believe that I'm not in that delusional category.

SPEAKER_03 17:44

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

You don't think that I'm not in that category?

SPEAKER_03 17:47

No, I don't think you're delusional.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

I was gonna say, oh, this podcast is taking a turn. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 17:52

Um I mean she wants someone who's 6'6. I mean, she really shortened her.

SPEAKER_00 17:56

I don't Okay. I'm gonna have to cut- all dark and handsome. I'm gonna have to cut that out because you're not getting ready to roast me on this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 18:03

No, I can handle.

SPEAKER_00 18:05

But um with a six-pack.

SPEAKER_03 18:07

Oh my gosh. That's a non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

I can't deal with you. What I'm trying to say is that if you're not in that delusional realm, I do think that there's some other things to consider. If you're a Christian, you have that standard, your dating pool is just small. Yes. Like a lot of the people that I know, not all of them, but a lot of the people that I know that are married happily now and walking with Christ didn't meet that way. Like a lot of times they were still in the world when they met. They got together, they found Jesus together, and then they progressed into this couple that we see was like, oh, I want that. The problem with that is that's great for them, but I know Jesus. So I don't have the luxury of dating someone who does not yet know Jesus and then walking that story out because I have a revelation of something already. So, with that being said, I can't just date anybody. And because I can't just date anybody, or because women like me can't just date anybody, it limits the dating pool significantly if you're really walking for Jesus. Now, there are a lot of people who will say, Yeah, I go to church. Okay. You going and sitting in church does not make you a Christian any more than you standing in a garage makes you a car. So I'm talking about people who are really following Jesus. It's a limited pool. And I will die on that hill because the word in itself says that the that real believers are remnant. God calls us a remnant. That means what's left, what remains. Um, narrow is the way to righteousness, broad is the way to destruction. So there's just less people.

SPEAKER_03 20:03

Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_00 20:04

You know, to compared to like the world, you know. In the world, you can be overly concerned about, you know, your preferences. Do we have the same interests and all those things? And you should be interested in those things, but the world does not have the standard, the foundation of Jesus. So that opens them up to a lot more people. Whereas we do. So with that understanding, we have to be selective. That in and of itself is just gonna make dating harder because you can't just pick the person who looks good to you. You have to also know where their heart is.

SPEAKER_03 20:33

And well, you make it sound hopeless now.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

I know it's not hopeless, but it takes more time.

SPEAKER_03 20:40

Move on.

SPEAKER_00 20:41

There's men out there.

SPEAKER_03 20:43

No Christian men out there.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

There are Christian men out there.

SPEAKER_03 20:46

There's like three, three left in the world. No, just three.

SPEAKER_00 20:50

No, there are Christian men out there, but it takes time because the reverse is also true. You know, there's not as many women out here wanting to live for Jesus either. You know, women who don't want to show everything that the Lord gave them on social media, you know, because a godly man is not looking for that kind of woman. So the the opposite is also true. Like, it's just as hard, I think, for Christian men to find, maybe, maybe not just as hard. I think there's more of us in the church, but it's very hard for Christian men to find Christian women who are really sold out for Jesus, who really want to do this God's way, just as just as it is for women to try to find Christian men the same way. They are out there though, it just takes more time. Um, but because it takes more time, sometimes we find ourselves asking that question of why am I still single? Because if you're not in an area where there are a lot of single men, if you go to a church like mine where all of the men are either married, or if they're not married, probably not where you want to be, it's difficult. You have to find, you have to find your Or an area in which that is conducive for people. And sometimes people struggle with that because of lack of community.

SPEAKER_03 22:06

Do you think that, you know, like there's single ministries in church, and I don't think our church has that. And you think that that's why people pick certain churches because there is a single ministry? You know what they used to call the college I went to, the Bible college, they used to call it bridal college. They called it victory, not Bible college, but bridal college, because everyone that went there got married.

SPEAKER_00 22:30

They say that about most Christian schools.

SPEAKER_03 22:32

Victory, bridal college. If you're looking for a man, no listen to me.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

I can't with you on this topic. Sorry. To answer your question, I do think that people do that. And you know, that's a little bit of a hot subject, like whether churches should be involved in that and whatnot. Um I think that if a person is looking to find a spouse, like if that's something they desire, um, what better place to do that than in the church? I agree. What I don't like, like what I really actually do not like, is when churches have this um this mentality that singleness and dating is not a concern of the church. Oh no. Because marriage sure is. And a lot of the marriage counseling that you're having to give and bring people from the brink of divorce might have been spared if there was any kind of attention given to singles who are walking this out to know what to look for. Who do I need to be? Who who how should I be um spurring on this relationship that I'm currently in? How can I support him? How should he be supporting me? All these things you need to learn before you ever say I do.

SPEAKER_03 23:53

And I think that's that's true. That's important because it get it can get lonely in the church and get lonely when you don't have that type of community.

SPEAKER_01 24:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:03

Especially like clearly, I'm not single. Um, and Julia is single, and we're really good friends, but I can't see things from her perspective because I'm not single, and I have not been single for quite some time. I don't know. Sixteen years.

SPEAKER_00 24:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:23

17 years. Michael told me he went like that. 17 years.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:29

Um, not yet, this year, 17 years. Um so, like, there's certain perspectives like I'm not going to be able to understand. I can not empathize completely with you because I don't completely get what it feels like to be lonely and to not have that other person to lean on and support. Just like Julia doesn't know what it's like to have someone annoy the crap out of you and want to drown them in the toilet because I'm just kidding, because they forgot to put the toilet seat down. No, I'm just kidding. Um, Michael does not do that at all. He he always puts the toilet seat down.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

That sounds like you're speaking from experience to me.

SPEAKER_03 25:10

But uh, there's just certain things that I can't um really under or empathize with, whereas not having that community in a church, I could see that being difficult because you need that.

SPEAKER_01 25:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:27

And not that it's like the church is putting that together so you can find a man and date one of the men, but I think it'd be really convenient if you knew everyone who was single within the church that way, you just know what the dating pool looks like. I don't have to make an assumption because I'm sorry, there's a lot of people that go to our church, they ain't got no ring on their finger, but I know they're married. I know now they're married.

SPEAKER_01 25:49

Right.

SPEAKER_03 25:49

And that's just confusing. So, like if we had an area where we could keep all the single men and single women, you know, where they can meet and mingle, we should have like a happy hour at the church where they just go, you know, communion and talk to each other.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

Communion. That's crazy. I can see why. I'm glad that you're married. Um, but no, like and and I don't even necessarily, I mean, having like a singles ministry or like, you know, where singles get together and all those things, that's fine. I don't have anything against that. But I do think that the church is missing the mark on ministering to singles.

SPEAKER_01 26:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Because the word says that God is near to the brokenhearted, and there are people who really desire marriage, and it is a dream deferred, it is a hope deferred. And the the word also said that hope deferred makes the heart sick. If the church is called to minister to the brokenhearted, why do we exclude an entire group of people who are brokenhearted? Like it's not got to be about make making, about matchmaking, it's about being concerned with the status of your flock. Because you know what happens when singles are uh dealing with loneliness or whatever for an extended period of time, but are shamed by the church for feeling that way because we're told we idolize marriage, then they start doing things in private that never come to the light. Because I'm lonely and I'm trying to figure out how to process my loneliness. But the shepherd that I'm supposed to be able to go to has shamed me for feeling this way. So who do I go to now? And to your point, my all my friends, especially if you're older in your 30s, all my friends are married, so they don't understand. So what do you do with that? And then that breeds a whole can, if you're not strong or if you're having a moment of weakness, it can breed a whole bunch of stuff. Like it can breed pornography addictions, it can breed um entertaining people you should not be entertaining, it can breed depression, it can breed a lot of things because we have a natural inclination for human connection. Whether you get married or not, not everyone is gonna get married, not everybody is called to marriage. But when you completely disregard an entire group of people, you completely disregard an entire group of people's hearts. Right. Yes. And you're not meeting them where they're at, even if what they need is to be redirected, you're not meeting them where they're at. So, yes, I'm a little bit passionate about it because I find myself in that group of people, but the church needs to be better about giving as much attention to singles as they do marriage. I feel like you'd have less broken marriages if you would teach people how to adequately date. If you would teach people what to look for, what their value is before they get into these marriages, then you wouldn't have this epidemic. Sorry, I know that that's not the topic of this podcast, but I'm a little bit passionate about it if you can't tell.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

I can tell. Um, I mean, I think it works with why you're single-ish. Not really, but it's okay. Um, no, I agree. I think that there should be a place in the church where singles can go and they can have community, but they can learn. Yeah. Um being single, I know, isn't easy. Being married is not easy. Sure. So not if it's easy. No, it's not. And so if we think that getting married is just gonna solve all the problems, joke is on you.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

Yeah, because there are also days when I'm looking at people's marriages and I'm like, wow.

SPEAKER_03 29:22

I know the Lord didn't call me to that.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

It's quiet at my house.

SPEAKER_03 29:26

My house is never quiet.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

Yeah, I can keep that. But to go back to the topic, sometimes I do believe that the Lord hides us. Sometimes. Um, I feel very often that the Lord is hiding me. And I don't mean that in a God's picking on me and he won't let anybody see me kind of way. Like a protection. Uh like a protection. And we don't always see it that way though. Like sometimes we see it as like, do I stink or something? Like, do I have something in my teeth? Like, but I think that the Lord is protecting us because if we say we want to do it his way, then there's not a crap ton of people out here that want to do it his way. That's true. So he's going to send, if it's in his will for your life, he's going to send the one who also wants to do it his way. And that takes time because the person, you may already know this person. They got a whole character development era to go through before they're ready to be your husband or before they're ready to be your wife. And that can just take time, just like it did with us, you know, whole character development seasons in our life to get us to this point where we are. Right. And he or she may be going through that right now, and you feel hidden, but it's because he's preparing the one for you. You you just never know. But sometimes you can feel hidden. But sometimes I do think that the Lord hides us.

SPEAKER_03 30:46

And I and I do think that you're right, because I think that, you know, there it's no different than, you know, a father and uh a mother shielding their children from certain things. You know, there could be certain people, men, situations that he doesn't want you to be accustomed to to be around. So removing you from the situation, removing you from the pool sometimes is the best thing to do for certain seasons. Um there are definitely, definitely people that I've seen people, I'm not gonna name anyone, date where I'm watching and I'm like, man, I wish they just would not date that person. Because you do get lonely, and you know what happens when you get lonely? You get desperate. And when you get desperate, you start to settle.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

Right.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

And then you get into those relationships that we talked about where they're not gonna go anywhere. But I don't want to be by myself.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

Right.

SPEAKER_03 31:45

And then you're missing out on character development, you're missing out on time with the Lord, you're missing out on the person that maybe God's putting in your life.

SPEAKER_00 31:57

I I yeah, I do. I and I think we need to be selective. Um, but waiting is hard.

SPEAKER_03 32:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Like wait waiting for anything is is difficult.

SPEAKER_03 32:07

Oh, I know. I'm very impatient sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

But waiting is important. Like, and I think you know, the question that we started this podcast with is why am I single? There could be a myriad of reasons why you're single. Some of them may have absolutely nothing to do with you. Like, have nothing to do with you.

SPEAKER_03 32:27

But I want to speak to the good amount of you that it does have to do with you. And please don't take this the wrong way because I do want you to find someone. But until you take a step back and do the character development, and you take a step back and you fix this, no man, no Christian man is gonna put up with it. It's just not gonna happen. We are not in a Disney fairy tale age where you meet someone and your stepmom is trying to kill you with a poison apple, and next thing you know, you're married in two days. It's just unrealistic.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

So I think that was Snow White, but go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 33:08

Yeah, like don't stop getting that complex, like a man's gonna come in, swoop you out of your disaster you've put yourself in, and he's gonna piece you back together, and he's gonna save you. There's only one person that should be swooping you out of your disaster, piecing you back together and saving you. That's all I have.

SPEAKER_00 33:28

No, that's good. And you're right, that that's what I was gonna end this with. Like it's it's easy to ask the question of why am I single? And I think that you should, because it leads you into that, hopefully, it leads you into that character development element of it, of self-reflection. But, and as hard as I and I know it from my own personal experience, as hard as it is to say, don't dwell there. And I know I like I can hear the eyes rolling because people tell singles all the time, you're focused on it too much. That's not what I'm saying. What I am saying is make the desires of your heart known to the Lord. Ask God if if marriage is something that you desire, ask God, how can I become a wife now? Like, how can I start positioning myself, having the qualities of what a good biblical wife is, and start working on those things now, if that's what you want. Um, and then ask the Lord to go with you through this fire of singleness. And what I mean is it's gonna suck. Like, if you if you desire it, some people don't desire it, and this conversation is obviously not for them, but if you desire it, there are gonna be low moments when it sucks. But ask God to go with you through that. I would never ask you to pretend like it's a fun time out here because it's not. The dating pool is a cesspool and it stinks, but ask God to be with you in it, ask him to develop you into the wife that you need to be for the man that he will bring, and reach out to your community when you need to. Um, if you don't have community, I know it's easier said than done, but try to find community. And in the day and age of online, I'm not saying put your life online, but what I am saying is that I've been seeing more and more different groups of single, I don't know if men are doing this, but different groups of single women coming together just to encourage each other because we can encourage each other in ways that other people can't. And if you find that you don't have a physical immediate community like that, look for a community somewhere because it can get real dark real fast if you really desire that. Don't make it an idol, but also don't pretend like it's not something you want. We don't ask people to do that in any other area of our lives. Like we're, you know, any other area we tell people pray, have faith, believe, keep seeking, keep knocking, keep asking until it comes to marriage.

SPEAKER_03 36:02

And don't make it like a competition with other women, like, hey, I'm gonna get this man, this has to be the one, and he's fully committed to someone else at this point. Um we are so competitive against uh women to women. It's really crazy. I wonder what that feels like for a guy, like because I do feel like there's a lot of guys that multiple women are trying to swoop them up and run away with them. There's a guy. Um I remember there was a single man at a church I was going to, and um he did came on stage one time, did a prayer or something. And when I say there was like four or five text messages about this guy asking who he was, where is he at, where's he been hiding? Who I was like, wow. Just calm down. Yeah, relax. Just calm down.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

Let let the Lord write your story, be available, stop, stop fighting, you know, like be findable is what I'm I guess what I'm saying, you know.

SPEAKER_03 37:07

But doesn't mean putting yourself out on social media and ways you shouldn't be.

SPEAKER_00 37:12

No, like it my problem is that I need the Lord to just deliver him to my doorstep because I don't want to leave my house. So leave your house, you know, do that, but don't be desperate, you know. Put yourself in a place to be found.

SPEAKER_03 37:24

All of a sudden her refrigerator breaks and she has to send someone to come and there you go. And fix it in here, she's like, Thank you, Lord. Oh sorry.

SPEAKER_00 37:31

Um, but no, like it's it's nothing wrong with having the desire to be married.

SPEAKER_03 37:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 37:37

And don't let anybody tell you that it is, because there are people who will tell you that it is.

SPEAKER_03 37:41

That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 37:43

But it happens. Um, there's nothing wrong with the desire, but don't let it consume you. Cast all your cares upon Jesus because he cares for you. Ask him to develop you into um the wife that you'll need to be for that season of time. And then go on about your business of what he's called you to do today. We look at tomorrow, five years, ten years, and there's nothing wrong with looking ahead, but when we are more focused on what's ahead than what's in the moment, we miss what God is doing. So you can pray and you can think in that direction, but never get let it get to the point where you're no longer in the moment of what God is doing now. Sometimes coming back to gratitude for what he's doing today is a good place to start if you find yourself being concerned about that. So, you know, ask the question less, why am I single, unless it's a self-reflection kind of question. And more so, what are you saying in this season board and how can I be prepared for the next?